We are settling in nicely now to our house, and Allie is in San Antonio doing her thing with Creative Writing studies.

However… after 1 full week of her being there, I received a text from her last night.

She NEVER gets home sick, or complains about things. But, this time, she expressed some feelings of stress about the fact that they don’t get much free time to do what they want during this session.

I believe they had more free time last summer. I feel her pain, but I did reassure her that she will have a lot of down time when she’s finished in 2 more weeks.

She is worried because school will start shortly after she returns. She has had a pretty busy summer with trips and activities. More than the average, for sure.

We probably won’t be repeating this again, so she can survive the next 2 week, knowing that.

I just felt bad for her…

The other kids are doing great, however, now I have to fill out a request to keep them in their current school, as we moved outside of their school boundary. ugh… They have to go through an approval process, and it is first come first serve. I quickly went to the school today, and filled that paperwork out, so we’ll see….Plus, these kids have been at this school since kindergarten. I sure hope they can stay. We probably won’t know those results until the week before school starts. Talk about a mild stresser until then… I also included a letter indicating that they have been seeing the school counselor, Mr. Keith, and are doing much better since seeing him regularly. (fingers are crossed)

I did find a little bit of “poo” on the floor this morning, and we ALL know it’s Austin’s. OMG! I am sooo tired of this. Both boys are having multiple accidents in their pants, and it’s driving me batty. I am not sure how to handle this, without losing my cool. Last week, Austin and Adam both pooped in their bathing suit bottoms right before Austin’s swimming lesson. I had to rinse out both, and make them wear them, even though they were wet. RIDICULOUS!

I do NOT understand that at all..

Hoping it gets better… will it?

Then, there’s Autumn. Sweet, sassy Autumn…

She has had a terrible time with being mouthy to me, counselors, her grandma, and her Papa… We really got into it the other morning, while trying to get her out of bed for the day. She refused. She was being super defiant, and I lost my patience and kindness went out the window too. I told her she has GOT to learn that you have to obey and respect others. Especially adults. She does not have rights to demand how things are going to go. She is only 10. She doesn’t have authority over her life. At this point, adults and caregivers have authority over her. She must comply.

fun times over here.

So, now that we are settling in to having more living space, an amazing view morning and evening, it seems like things are calming down a bit for all of us.

We are more relaxed, not as angry, and I’m sure it has so much to do with the fact that we’re not piled on top of each other.. with tons of clutter, no escape just to be alone sometimes, and have our own space.

I had to share a view of the sunset from last night. It was so colorful, I had to pause, take a picture, soak it in, and listen to the tree frogs, and the sound of the summer evening.

I really appreciate being able to experience this in life. I don’t feel very deserving of such amazingness, but I am ever so grateful, and will always try my best to show that.

I am not one to boast about things, or anything like that, and I want people to know that it’s quite the change from where we just moved from. Our other home was just fine. It was HOME. We were comfortable, we were close, and the neighbors were awesome. The street was flat, there was only one way in and one way out, it was safe. We knew everyone looked out for eachother.

Now, we gained twice the amount of space, we have an amazing view, yes. We have a huge kitchen, that we will be hosting lovely family meals in very soon. I want my home to be a place where all know they are welcome, and I am not wanting to be isolated, and for people to think I’m a spoiled daughter, who’s daddy helped her with things. I work hard. I have 3 jobs, 4 kids, running around like a crazy person most of the time, and I do it with a smile on my face most of the time.

Life is hard. It’s been a struggle for a long time, but this just feels like a breather for me, and I am taking it in, and enjoying every waking moment, in awe that we are here, able to just be a family together, in this amazing space.

trying to make it home, and home is where the heart is.. no matter where we are, we can be happy.. 🙂

Well, we did it! We actually made the move in 2 days.. we have so much stuff. kids toys to be exact. We will be unpacking for a while, as our next few weeks are booked with swimming lessons, karate, a couple of trips, and then school starting. I think that’s when things will settle down.. but who knows in our life. We are busy busy and there’s always something else that comes up. It’s all good though. Gives us something to look forward to, and never having a dull moment, is OK by me.

The kids are thrilled with all the space we have now, and I think they’re going to adjust just fine.

The funny thing is when Austin woke up after that first night, he came upstairs, telling me he really needed to use the bathroom sooo bad, but didn’t know where the bathroom was. I told him it was downstairs (he was upstairs asking me), and I told him there was also mine upstairs that he could use, but he wanted to go all the way back downstairs and use his. funny guy!

I’m sure I will have more to post later, but I’m just glad the bulk of the move is over with. Now, it’s unpacking, cleaning, organizing, and getting my old house in order for the new girl moving in next month or so.

Fun times here as always!

We typically live a busy life anyway, without a dull moment, but this summer is the ultimate!

Tonight, we will spend the last night in our house that we have called home for the last 12 1/2 years. It’s been the birth home for 3 of my 4 children.

There’s been many precious memories made here, but so many dark times too. I look forward to this next chapter in our life.

I hope it will be the best thing for our family. I fear sometimes that it’s not.

But, I can only trust that it will be good for all of us.

Positives are there will be more living space, we won’t be cramped, feeling like we’re on top of each other all the time. Maybe, just maybe, my stress level will decrease a little? The kitchen is amazing, and I look forward to many family meals, bringing our family closer together. Holidays will be great to host, I do hope for that so much. We will be on the same street as my dad, so the kids will enjoy having Papa around more, and it will be fun to walk the lower drive by TowMate and the TowMate Inn. Such beauty by the lake. We will have a lovely lake view. Mostly, I think about the space. I really look forward to Allie actually having a closet, a place to put her possessions, a corner for herself in the downstairs area, lots of play room for the boys, and I hope to have the kids more involved in cleaning. haha

The one big positive I see here, is that I am leaving the house that I spent most of my marriage in, and there was a lot of bad that went with that. We are leaving the dark times behind and moving forward to better days. I just KNOW that!!

I do try not to even think about negatives, but there are some emotions that go with this move.

I am going to miss my back deck, the woods behind my house, the flat street we lived on. I ran a few miles on it, the kids rode their bikes, drove their gator on it, the neighbors were so friendly and looked out for my kids and me. I was very efficient in this house with our daily routine, and with more space, comes more work. I am ready for this though.

On to new memories…

Yesterday, as I was picking up the kids from the RAC, a counselor came over to my car, and had 2 papers in his hand. Both write-ups for the boys, saying the exact same thing. They were up to trouble, yet again. They had apparently been putting small pieces of something into the water fountain, and they have been busted 3 times now. 1 of the times, they actually broke it, and it had to be fixed. They have been warned multiple times, yet they keep doing these things. Their consequence now has been to serve time reading, instead of having fun during “centers.” So, I told them they needed to bring a book to read, but they refused. I told them, ok, then you will just get to sit there while everyone else is doing fun activities.

On the way home, both boys were whining how they didn’t mean to do these things. It wasn’t their fault. It was somebody else’s because they told them to do these things. I told them, no… you are responsible for you. No one else makes you do anything. You have a brain, you know what is wrong and right. You are in control of your hands and actions. No one else. With that, you are also responsible for the consequences that come from those actions. No one else. Austin said, you tell us this thousands of times. I said, yeah, but you don’t seem to HEAR me. So, I am repeating myself once again.

Today, when I dropped them off, I made sure to have the counselor separate them into different color groups. We’ll see how today goes….

Skipping over to Autumn now.. last night was OMG!!

I had arranged to pick up some free moving boxes in Bentonville. According to the GPS, it was going to be 16 mins there, 16 mins back. Total of 36 minutes, including the time to load the boxes.

I asked who wanted to go with me, and Adam was the only one who wanted to go. Fine.. So, I left Allie in charges of Austin & Autumn, which has NEVER been an issue in the past.

Tonight was different, and I don’t know why.

They had built a fort a few days ago in the living room. I told them it needed to be put away while I was gone, and Autumn needed to clean her room.

When we returned, Austin had moved the fort into his room… not what I said to do.

Autumn had taken a black marker and wrote all over Austin & Adam’s bedroom door.. something about a big FAT poop and an emoji of poo.. omg! I lost it! I also discovered that she wrote on my ceramic coasters over the positive sayings on them. The marks didn’t come out of those, as I made her try to clean them. She also had to clean off the door. I was so upset. I told her I didn’t want to see her face the rest of the night. She needed to brush her teeth and go to bed straight away.

Well, then I said.. wait.. you need to unload the dishwasher first. So, she did that, but was mouthy as can be. Said she is not my slave, and I explained what a slave was.. she kept on being sassy, so I told her, if she kept it up, this would be her chore for the remainder of the month.

She was also very unruly this morning when it was time to get up. I finally had to threaten to disassemble her “house” bed tonight, and she would be sleeping on the mattress only. That motivated her to get up, but geez..

What am I going to do with these children?

I’m breathing, crying, angry, puzzled, and soooo beyond ready for good days to come.

Trying to understand why Autumn would do this..

Yesterday, my grandmother and Autumn’s cousin went over our house to visit.

Autumn was there, sort of grieving over the loss of Spring, her bird. I thought it was a very nice thing that they did. They invited her to Hobbs Park, took her to lunch, then to Braum’s for ice cream.

Autumn apparently begged Kylee for money, so she could buy something at the gift shop, and later put PEPPER in Kylee’s milkshake, making her cry.

For the love… omg!!

I haven’t seen Autumn yet this afternoon, and I was just notified of this via email from my cousin at work today.

I just don’t understand why she did these things, when THEY were reaching out to her, as her heart was hurting.

Here’s to an evening of trying to understand, and help her through what is going on inside her heart and mind..

Have I mentioned this before? If not, it’s definitely true.

Yesterday, I picked up the boys from the RAC, and Adam had gotten in trouble for pouring applesauce on another camper during lunch, and pouring his juice box on his tray. WHY? He told me that Austin had convinced him to do it. WHY? omg!

The counselor also told me that more often than not, he comes in around 11am for his shift, and sees both boys huddled together, doing something they’re not supposed to.

It truly doesn’t matter where they are; boys and girls club, after school care, the RAC, they are going to find some way to be mischievous and get into trouble.

I had already grounded them from electronics, so this round of trouble, just extended that time. They claim I’m “ruining” their lives.. riiiight..

The counselor asked me if I had any suggestions on how to handle their behaviors, and I told him to separate them. Put them in different color groups. They did say that the boys act fine when they are not together. hmmmm. then do that! lol

Fun times over here.

Happy Summer!!

So.. Autumn came home Saturday, and she was in good spirits. Everyone was happy, we had a lovely time hanging out, just being together at home.

I did take the boys to an “All Boy” Birthday Party that afternoon, but other than that, it was a nice, quiet weekend at home.

Saturday night, Autumn came to me, really sad. One of her birds (Snowy),was acting sick. She had lost a TON of feathers all over her bedroom floor. Her feathers were puffed up, eyes were heavy, and she looked tired and weak. Autumn held her close, softly stroking her, and kept her separate from the other bird (Spring), because he was pestering her constantly. Nipping at her neck, and being really nasty.

The next morning, Snowy acted much better, so I told Autumn to go ahead and put her back in the cage with Spring. All day, they seemed fine together. We even went to a birthday party, came back… but, that’s when things turned for the worse.

I was on the phone with my grandmother, when Autumn yelled to me, that she thinks her bird was dead. I had to quickly end that conversation, and run to her. She had Spring in her arms, and he was just laying there. omg! This was not at all what I expected to happen. We all thought it would be Snowy who was going to pass away from being sick. Snowy had apparently gotten fed up with Spring attacking her, so she took one nip at Spring, and that is all it took. crap!

So, Autumn is crying, holding this bird, wants to kiss it, love on it, cuddle with it, until we buried it.

The next thing we had to do, was find a box, put the bird in it, wrap it with paper, and dig a grave. OMG! I have NEVER had to do this before. I gathered all the kids, we all took turns digging, and eventually had to bury Spring.

Autumn went to her room, brought out one of Spring’s feathers that she had saved, picked a flower from the backyard, found a nice stone, and we had a little burial ceremony for him.

I have a picture of Autumn with Snowy & Spring in her arms, so I am going to frame it, for her to keep. She is just so devastated. She loves with all of her soul. I know Spring knew he was loved.

Yesterday, we celebrated Allie’s 14th Birthday. She wanted to have her party at Climb in Bentonville. This place was pretty cool, as it had wall climbing throughout the building, in all levels and skills. Our party consisted of beginners, so it was fun watching all the kids, and some adults (including yours truly), attempting this adventure for the first time.

We had a private party room, pizza, french silk pie, per Allie’s request also. We had about 22 people come to the party, and it was so much fun.

Even MY boys participated in the climb adventure. It was great watching them, and how confident they were doing it.

It came to the end of the party, and both boys begged to go climb some more, and when I told them it was time to go, they said I’m ruining their life. oh man!!

We will definitely go there again. It’s definitely something to do over video games!

So glad we have a place like this, and the staff was amazing too. Helpful, patient, and very attentive to our needs during the party, and while kids were climbing, getting scared, or nervous, etc.

I bet all the kids will want their parties there next time.. lol

Now, it’s the weekend, and Autumn comes home from camp tomorrow. I look forward to hearing and sharing her stories of the week.

It’s been a hot one!!

We have this mysterious disappearance of 2 swimming trunks, both belonging to none other than Austin! He completely claims that he has NO idea where they could be. That’s interesting to me, because earlier in the week, I was packing the bathroom closet for our upcoming move, and found SIX pairs of his undies in there.. he had purposely hidden them from me, so he wouldn’t get in trouble for soiling them. He even denied that those were his also! whateva!! LOL (I laugh, but omg, so not funny)..

I just KNOW I’m going to find these swimming trunks in my next few boxes that I pack up.

Meanwhile, I went to Goodwill today, and bought him a nice $2 swim trunk. He had told me earlier today, he would not wear used swimming trunks.. oh really? Well, these have a tag on them, so he won’t know the difference, right? haha

Austin just seems to think I will believe whatever story he wants to tell me. He can’t fool this mom!!! 🙂

I’m going to see if I can fool him instead though…