It’s that time of year again.. Leaves fall, temperatures cool down, the air feels crisp, and the smell of campfires and smores are on our minds.

This weekend happens to be an Apple Festival, and I really want to go and take all the kids. We went last year, but oh my goodness, they have zero interest in going this year. Well… I am taking them anyway.. like it or not.

Family time.. fall time.. it’s going to be great.

Then, there’s the Hobbs State Park Fall Festival.. all things nature.. should also be a good time.. I think our weather is going to spoil that day though, as it is expected to rain all day long..

I enjoy fall, the leaves changing, the humidity decreasing, but I dread the darkness so early in the evenings, and the sun rising so late in the mornings..

I do look forward to making some fall memories with the kids.

We will make a trip to Silver Dollar City next weekend to see the fall decorations and enjoy some of the festivities happening there.

It’s all about those memories…

You know that saying.. “when life throws you lemons, you make lemonade”… well, sometimes, you just want to throw something back in its face. I can’t help feeling that way more often than I’d like to admit.

I have had a rough weekend, and I’m just now getting around to posting about it.

Friday, last week, was supposed to be the beginning of a fun-filled weekend, spent camping with Cub Scouts for Austin’s group.

However, here’s how things went down instead.

I had been at work not even 3 hours, and here comes the call from his teacher. She was having difficulties getting him to focus and do his classwork. We have an agreement, or contract rather, that if he doesn’t adhere to it, the principal has to go get him from class and take him to the office. He would not go to the office with her, so I had to drop what I was doing at work, drive to the school, to get him to go to the office, and do his work. It was super frustrating, because I also had plans to go to the gym on my lunch break. There went that!!

So, there had to be a consequence for his behavior. I decided that camping was off the table for us this past weekend. He needed to have a weekend to think about what he’s doing, and refusing to do, and really understand that every choice has a consequence. He even told April later that he thought I would change my mind about this. I knew even more that I had to stick to my guns with this one. It was so hard, but I did it. My heart was heavy all weekend long over it.

Tonight, we have a Cub Scout meeting, and it’s going to be nice to hear how the weekend went for everyone else. We missed out on the first campout, but hoping we don’t have to in the spring.

Autumn also acted up on Friday. The new school nurse called me and said that she was complaining of pain in her elbow, and couldn’t focus on school. hmmmm. I hadn’t seen the wound to really know whether it was something needing urgent medical attention, and the nurse really wasn’t much help in that way. So, I made the decision to have April go get her and take her home. Well, when April got there and saw the “boo boo,” it wasn’t bad at all. April took her home though, because that’s what I had instructed her to do. My dad found out about it later, and made April take her back to school. He felt that she was trying to deliberately play the system, and manipulate everyone. So, she had to go back to school for the remaining 2 hours of the school day.

All weekend was spent mostly electronic free. We did watch a movie together one evening, and they got brief time on electronics toward the end, but only after we went to April’s and picked up walnuts and raked leaves in her backyard for 1 1/2 hours. That was great work and we got a lot done together. They didn’t like it, but we are all better for it.

Lessons learned, I sure hope…

Hoping for a better week ahead and a FUN weekend coming up…

There’s so many “loads” in parenting.

I have got to look at things differently, if I’m calling raising children a “load,” right?

Endless loads of laundry, for which I will always be grateful, because I do look at is my “therapy” once the kids go to bed. I enjoy folding and sorting things. (call me crazy here)

Loads of school lunches every week. It’s amazing to me, but all 4 of my kids request a home lunch every single day. They love what I put in them, and that warms my heart. I sneak little notes in there lunch boxes every once in a while, letting them know I’m thinking of them. I don’t know if they like it or not, or if they see any sentiment whatsoever in my simple handwritten note, but, to me, it means that I am showing them they are important and special. I am thinking of them at that moment when they open their lunch and find that. Hopefully it makes them smile on the inside.. or the outside.

Loads of scoldings… seeming to be countless at this point. more like “correcting” and explaining why they shouldn’t call their sibling that name, or hit, or take something away from another, or interrupting, or just plain old being a bully. This is the most trying chore of parenting, in my humble opinion. It tests the ultimate level of patience any day of my week. (huge sigh here)…..

Loads of love.. this is a must.. and probably the most overlooked for me as a mom. I need to show more of this with all of the children. It’s difficult when I am worn down, frustrated beyond all levels of control, buttons pushed constantly, and the lack of respect facing me in most moments in our evenings. It’s super super super hard to stay focused, and remember to breathe, relax, take time out, and express love and appreciation for the gifts I have.. 4 lovely children. 🙂

Loads of poo… I’m mostly past this phase, THANK GOD! But, there are the occasional issues when someone doesn’t wipe properly, and that’s been a fun time. That’s all I’m gonna say about that…… you know what I’m talking about here…

There are so many other things I could add to the list of loads, but, the biggest LOAD of all here, I would say, are the emotional loads. Each child carries emotions, and expresses them in their own way. There are many ways to be loved and to show love. Mastering these, is a gift, and I have not, by any means, mastered my children’s emotions. I’m doing the best I can to fulfill their love needs, but I know I fall short daily. I just hope they love me anyway…

I tend to disagree with this one. I am trying to focus on the day by day survival of parenting, yes.. but, in the big scheme of things, I’m really wanting my kids to “become” if you know what I’m saying.

It’s about that GOALS.. I have goals for them. To me, that is the “destination.”

1. Responsible
2. Accountable
3. Respectful
4. Obedient
5. Loving
6. Kind
7. Helpful
8. Calm
9. Compassionate
10. Empathetic

These are things I must work on within me also, if I expect them from my children.

Working towards them, always striving to be better than yesterday.

Frustration quickly sets in, when in the midst of if all. Trying to do better there also.

One.day.at.a.time.

This particular post is going to be focused on each of the kids and where they are in life.. just to have as a reference when I look back at these, so I can see how far we’ve come over the school year. I really get caught up in the moment, and forget where we started, and where we are.. the changes are gradual on a day by day outlook, but long-term, it blows my mind.. so.. here goes..

Allie – 9th grade. High School!!! 14 years old. shy. smart. anxious, to the point of breaking out in a rash, when asked to read aloud in class, or answer questions. she’s not too thrilled about group work, or having to write on the board in front of class. loves to be alone, says she doesn’t like people. rarely interacts in a long conversation, or any conversation at all. she’s into reading, loves musicals and plays. About a month ago, I met with her therapist alone. She reviewed her notes, after I expressed concern about her high level of anxiety with being around people and interacting. We had a trip to CA, and she was extremely shy and avoiding family. It was highly rude, even if she didn’t intend on that being the case. The therapist advised seeking a psychiatrist and needing medication to address the borderline depression / anxiety that she observed with Allie. I went ahead and did my due diligence and scheduled that appointment with her pediatrician for the upcoming month (october). However, my dad and Christy are involved with a special product line (multi-level marketing.. ugh), but thought I would give it a try before going the pharmaceutical route. There is a special juice that is highly concentrate with fruits that help with some of these symptoms she’s experiencing. It’s worth a try, so we are 2 weeks in, and she’s noticing more energy and being more at ease in everyday life. I’m more than willing to continue this regiment until her appointment, and see if there are any issues between now and then that cause great concern. I don’t want my daughter or any of my children being on prescription medications, but I do know there are some that work well with situations like this. I am not 100% opposed, but want to try the natural options first. My dad has picked her up to take her to school twice now, and they’re actually making small talk and jokes in the car. I’m feeling better about that. Even April (my step sister), noticed a little more conversation (little, but more than before) from her. 🙂 Allie is also about to earn her black belt in taekwondo. She’s scheduled to test in December.

Autumn – 5th grade. FINAL year of elementary school!!! 11 years old. passionate. very aware of her feelings, and able to openly express them. bold. loving. This girl has come a long way from last school year to this one. She’s completing her homework, enjoys reading, (despised it last year), more flexible with her discussions about things, still very mouthy and stubborn, but a smidge less, maybe? lol She loves her 2 birds, we had lost one a couple months ago, but Papa took her to buy another one just a month ago.. she’s enjoying playing with them, and being responsible for their well-being. She must vacuum every night under their cage. (part of the agreement with Papa). She has a BFF she immediately connected with that first day of school. This girl just moved here from North Dakota (I think), and they are two peas in a pod. Even the teacher says they work well together, and don’t cause disruptions in the classroom. I’m good knowing that! She has a tendency to try to “mother” the boys. Both April & I have to constantly remind her that she is not the authority. She always keeps her eyes open for someone doing the wrong thing. She might overlook her own wrongdoings though.. 🙂 She loves rollerblading, so when Allie & Adam are in their karate classes, we take Autumn skating with Kylee. Autumn is also very much a pack rat. She considers EVERYTHING to be a treasure. She is very emotional if you tell her that you donated or threw away something. It is almost like you committed the ultimate sin, in her eyes. We had this situation this morning. I had told her I donated her old lunchbox. They always get new ones each school year. When we moved, there wasn’t room in the drawer to keep their old ones, so I donated / threw them out, depending on condition. OH that was the end of the world this morning. I also tried sharpening a special pencil that I did not know was a mechanical one.. oops! She about had my head for that too.

Austin – 3rd grade. 8 years old. into technology like you wouldn’t believe. passionate about many things. He is constantly hungry. LOVES to talk about all things electronic. Can’t focus on much else. He has a high interest in fancy, expensive cars. He can’t wait to get a job and buy one. He plans to live with Adam when they grow up and neither one want to get married or have kids. They just want to build things together and make $$. Austin is really good at math, and all things really. It comes easy to him. He just doesn’t always cooperate in the classroom, as in doing the work when everyone else is doing it. He just tends to sit there and do nothing. We have a new behavior plan with the school, so there are consequences and rewards for both doing and not doing the work. This was just set in place this week, so hopefully he gets it and knows what is expected of him. Rewards are motivating, aren’t they? I think so for him… Austin also just joined Cub Scouts last month. He came to me, excitedly, saying he wanted to be in Cub Scouts sooo bad. I couldn’t believe my ears. So, we went to the first meeting, and he still wanted to be in it, so we signed up.. we are going on our first overnight, next weekend. The whole family.. that should be interesting. There will be activities, games, he will be able to shoot bb guns, learn archery, earn a badge or two, and learn what being a Cub Scout is all about. I’m excited for this journey for him. He’s also become quite the swimmer. We had our 2nd round of swimming lessons over the summer, and he’s just taken off in the pool. No need for a floatie any longer. He used to be sooo afraid to get in the water, even up to his knees. He would stay by the stairs, and that was it. I couldn’t even take him on a piggy back ride around the pool. Even when we started this 2nd round of lessons, he said he didn’t want to learn to swim. I told him he had to, for safety. It was a life saving skill he needed to have. After that, he pushed through and caught on quickly, and loves to swim now. WIN!!

Adam – 2nd grade. 7 years old. not a huge fan of school. loves video games, loves his mommy, motivated to complete his work for school, and hold me accountable for signing and looking over his work everynight. He obeys easily, and is not afraid to me how he’s feeling. He also loves electronics, and could be on a game all day, if I let him. He knows when something is not fair, if a sibling gets something and he doesn’t.. he makes sure I am aware of that. He loves cuddling, and his soft, silky blanket. He really likes it when I make a toaster streudel and put the frosting on it, in different designs. He is a purple belt in taekwondo, and is about to move up to green belt. He has mixed feelings about going to class each week. Sometimes he wants to quit, other times, he’s excited about it. I’m just keeping him in, no option to quit. Quitters never win. Winners never quit. boom! He’s not sure what he wants in life, so it’s my job to do what is best for him. 🙂 He’s a great swimmer too. Over the summer, they had a lot of time at the Rogers Aquatic Center, and he has become a fish. Papa also has an indoor pool now, so the kids can go their quite often. He goes off the diving board doing cannonballs, spin arounds, and not even a need to hold his nose. Super impressed with this guy!

In summary, I have my work to do.. the mother’s job is never done. Even at the end of the day, there’s laundry to fold, someone’s shoes on the floor, a backpack, not ready for the next day, lunches to make, the need to make sure all are tucked in tightly in their beds, complete with a bedtime kiss, story time if they want it, and lights out. (with one night light, of course). Mom’s know what each kid needs, tries their best to fulfill those needs, making life fun and exciting, all at the same time. It’s a career.. I might not have a educational “license” for this “job”; but I am in a constant state of learning. There are a team of people on my side, and with their support, I have the tools and insights to keep directing and pushing forward through this crazy ride. ha

I’m sure I’ve said this many times throughout my posts since I started this blog back in December 2018…..

There is something to say about the daily hustle. It’s what we, as parents do..

There are always things to do.. gotta rush off to the next thing.

Our life has now become a hustle on Mondays through Wednesdays… The calm is Thursdays through Sundays.. I really look forward to those calm evenings.

We have karate, cub scouts, and roller skating in our life for our extra curricular activities. We stay busy with the run around on the first 3 nights of the week. AND trust me when I say, it’s not an easy task. The kids are whining, hungry, tired, arguing, and just pushing my buttons.. I sometimes ask myself “why am I doing this? They don’t really know the stress it adds to my evenings, and the lack of relaxation time I get..” but I pick myself up, and do the things because it’s for the best interest of the kids. They will be better people for it.

I do the best I can, but I so often lose my cool, and I hate that.

Stress is a killer.. killer for your body, but also for your mental health. I have got to figure out how to adjust my outlook on things, because the “things” won’t be going away anytime soon. It’s all in how you handle those “things” in the daily hustle.

I know it’s easier said when in a calm environment, what you can do better, how you can handle the next stressor, but in reality, when those kids push your buttons, and you’re already stressed to the max, what gives?

I have yet to perfect my reactions with them, but I’m a work in progress.. Who isn’t?

Just working on me, trying to do better.

I had wonderful intentions over the weekend for all these “family” activities that we were going to do together, but guess what?? We ended up doing NONE of them.

I really needed the down time, and the kids needed the time at home, just to chill and enjoy our space. We certainly did that.

I felt slightly guilty for not partaking in the “planned” activities for us, but when it came right down to it, I felt more stressed thinking about the activities, and the whining, the fighting, the battles of getting someone interested in even going. Why deal with the battles, and instead, just be at home, in our comfort zones, relaxing and enjoying the simple pleasures of the weekend. It was hot outside anyway.

I feel like we really did skip out on several of our annual tradition event attending this year.

We missed the following annual events that I can recall off the top of my head: Light Night at Crystal Bridges, Tontitown Grape Festival, Fall Fest at Terra Studios, Family Strong event, Fairies in the Garden at Botanical Gardens, and the Renaissance Festival in Oklahoma.

However, here are the things we have done: We did sleepovers, dates with individual kids, Springfield Aquarium, Harry Potter Convention, Silver Dollar City, mulched the yard together, Bowling, rollerskating, demolition derby, stayed a night at a hotel in town for fun, dinner and movie with papa, swimming at the aquatic center, hiking and picnic, art event at my cousin’s coffee shop, more hiking and picnics, MOVED into a new house, went to California to see Oma, visited a friend in Nashville, family reunion locally, had company stay with us for a few nights, and spent time at the lake on the boat, and swimming at papa’s new indoor pool.

Austin also just joined Cub Scouts, so we will be doing a family campout at the end of the month, so that should be great. Hoping for cooler weather in the next 2 weeks.. eek!!

So, we might have skipped some of our annual tradition events, but I see the comparison list, and we still managed to do so much, in these last 9 months. I sure hope my kids know how lucky they are to have a mom who has so much energy and wants to make them experience life and all the things it has to offer them.

I want them to discover what they like what they dislike, and most importantly, discover themselves.

Is a day where there is nothing note worthy, considered to be a “normal” day?

OR, is it when we have the hustle and bustle going on, that becomes our “normal” day?

I tend to think that “normal” for me, is when everything goes as planned, with few hiccups. I like my “normal” days for sure!

Since I am such a planner, very organized down to the minute in everything I do, it becomes a STRESS when something does not fit within that allotted time.

This is probably considered a little over the top controlling? But, I am a very prompt person, and cannot stand to be late to anything… even if it’s not an “important” event, I still have to be on time. It’s just something I have instilled in myself for as long as I can remember.

With that, comes a lot of pressure. I feel pressure all the time. And TIME is a huge thing for me. I cannot ever stop looking at the time. There’s always something productive that can be done, idle time is no good time. I need to be working on something, getting the kids ready for this or that, winding them down for bed, shower time, story time, homework, checking time, making the lunch time, folding the laundry time, relaxing time, watching the news time, and then crashing time. It’s always revolving around the time.

Taking TIME to oneself is the most important thing to do.

I don’t get much of that, but in order to achieve the things within the time needed, you have to take TIME for that coffee break, to enjoy the sunrise, (that requires setting an alarm to get up early enough to see it), and taking time to laugh, cry, be still, reflect, unwind, breathe, be calm and just be…

This is a little pep talk to myself, to take that TIME so that our “normal” life can be a happy and fulfilling one.

Isn’t life full of those? We feel on top of the world one minute, where we could handle anything that comes our way. Then, just like a blink of an eye, we are so deep down into the depths of that pit, where we feel like we are overwhelmed with the smallest thing.

I had a week last week, where I was in such a deep, dark pit. I was stressed as can be, overwhelmed by the kids acting out, even in the smallest way. I had a lot on my plate, some things just weren’t going my way. I needed to breathe, take a break, reset myself. I couldn’t. I felt stuck.

Somehow, that feeling went away over the weekend, and I am in a much better state of mind this week.

The daily routine is still there, but for some reason, it all seems much more manageable this week.

We have karate, cub scouts, I’m going to a concert Friday night, I teach at the gym on Sat AM, we attend a Family Strong event in Bentonville that day, and on Sunday, we go to the Terra Studios Fall Festival.

I’m just trying to stay positive and let things flow.

Sometimes I do great with this, and other days, I completely feel drained of all life..

Cheers to a short work and school week!

It’s often hard take a little time to just breathe to try and catch up with yourself when you’re constantly in demand and on the go.

Last night for example, was just horrible.

Everything was going great until 5:15 when I got home. It was a night that would consist of Karate for both Adam & Allie, and then grabbing a birthday card for Oma, pick up a quick dinner for both of them, and then back home for showers and bedtime rituals.

I agreed to let both Autumn & Austin stay at home, but told them they would need to make their own dinner, and listed off items they could easily make for themselves.

I also told them no electronics and no sugar.

This was a huge trust “test” and it would be a 3 hour period basically.

We get to karate, Adam complains that he wants to quit. Allie is complaining that her leg hurts. We go inside karate, and the A/C is out. Immediately, Allie says she’s not going to do it. It smells horribly in there, and her leg hurts. omg.. Adam finally gets in there and does his thing with no problem. I do make Allie sit inside and watch her class for 10 minutes. Then, we head out.

We get home around 8:15 and neither Austin or Autumn have eaten, they even asked me what I brought them for dinner.. WHAT?? I was so mad.. I was mad at them, but truth be told, I was mad at myself. I set myself up for failure. It seemed easier at the time, if they didn’t want to tag along with us to karate, they were finished with their homework, they agreed to hang out and not be on electronics, etc.. why wouldn’t I do that? Well, here’s why.. they both ended up lying to me, and got on their devices, they didn’t eat dinner, and it was super frustrating. It was bedtime at this point.

The bedtime ritual typically takes 30 minutes, if everyone needs showers, etc, which was the case last night. fun times..

AND I didn’t have energy to make the lunches the night before, or fold laundry, or empty the dishwasher. I was DONE!

So, this morning, when I go to wake up kids, 2 of them decide it’s not important to come up and have breakfast in time, so I decided it wasn’t important to make them home lunches. They went to school very sad today, because they love home lunches.

Maybe next time, they will wake up on time 🙂

I’ve GOT to figure out how to get the upper hand on all things with them, and not be such a pushover, or get so frustrated when things don’t exactly go as my mind has planned that they should.

Expectations are important, and I don’t intend on lowering them. Maybe just allowing more time to have them met is the key?

I do intend to take a time out, as Autumn pointed out last night, I really need..

I do love my children, and our life together. Challenges are part of the process, but that’s what makes us stronger, and able to achieve and conquer.