When you have a child that acts out in school, at home, and you know you have to do something to implement some consequences for such actions, it can be quite tasking.

I have one child that constantly struggles in school, and there are little “wins” that we try to celebrate on this journey.

For instance, earlier this week, I met with the school counselor, the personal counselor, vice principal, teacher, and had my step-sister attend also.

It was brought up that this amazingly smart son of mine, had done some clever things on his chromebook at school. He is so smart, that the teachers had to contact the IT department and block him from having access temporarily. He knows what he’s doing, but it’s not allowed, he’s definitely pushing and abusing the access he has been granted. Taking advantage of the internet access, signing into his personal email, which he had obtained when he got his personal chromebook a couple of years ago.

I know that he follows certain Youtubers, so maybe he learned some of these “skills or hacks” from them? I’m just not sure. I didn’t sit right next to him each time that he was online. But, I know that he is capable of doing things super fast, before you even realize what he’s done.

Consequences at home right now, involve no access to the internet and no chromebook game time.

Now, as far as the length of time of this “consequence…” I had originally stated that it would extend through January 23rd when we meet as a group at the school again. We will be reviewing his behavior, participation, and work quality at that time.

However, I made a small revision to the deal, as he was really upset about it, and I do realize that is a long consequence.

So, in order to achieve some immediate “wins” rather than him moping around and “just not caring about anything,” we talked about having the rest of this school week meeting and exceeding goals that his teacher has for him.

I expect participation in every subject, sitting at his desk appropriately, listening and taking notes, completing all work in class, and only bringing home the usual homework. Taking AR tests and meeting his goal, or close to it before Thanksgiving Break.

These are all achievable goals, and so far he did well yesterday. Here’s to today, and if it goes well, he will be allowed to play on his games for a short bit this weekend.

That made him happy as a clam.

Fingers crossed for him.

I have 2 of these in my household. Their names are Adam & Austin.

I can tuck them nicely into their beds at the proper bedtime, check on them every 10-15 minutes, and I hear them talking to amongst themselves, or playing with some toy they found in their bed, or the latest was this.

They BOTH were in the top bunk with their chromebooks, complete with headphones and covers.. giggling.. I just couldn’t believe that BOTH of them made this naughty choice.

They KNOW better, and they did it anyway.

Immediately, I walked over, just staring at them, until they realized I was in their presence. Adam told me I scared him, and quickly asked how long they were going to be grounded… of course they knew there was a consequence. I told them they obviously didn’t learn their lesson the LAST time they did this. They just got more creative, and had headphones on, so they didn’t think they would get busted.?? But, Austin said, he still didn’t learn his lesson… hmmmm.. I told them they were grounded for 7 days…

Responses were as follows…. “I don’t like you,” I hate you,” “I don’t like this life,” “I hate bedtime,” and “I wish nighttime didn’t exist.”

For the love… these boys can be so dramatic..

Needless to say, they are counting down the days to Sunday.. hahahaha

It starts with the first thing that brings that smile to your face when you wake up.

Do you even have a thought that does this?

Think about that……

If not, maybe it’s time to make a list.

Take out that paper, and have some thoughts about your life.

What brings that joy to your life? What will it take to get joy, if you don’t have it?

I often get so caught up in my daily “to do’s,” that I forget to stop, look around me, think about my life, what it means, how I feel in that exact moment, where I am.

Pause.. reflect… visualize.. take that action..

If you find that you have a long list of things that bring you joy, congratulations!

Here’s my list, as I’m sitting at my desk, typing on this bright, sunny FRIDAY!

List of the “things” that bring me JOY:

1. Sunshine
2. Warmth
3. Great scenic views in nature
4. The sound of Waterfalls / brooks flowing
5. The breeze with the sunroof open or being able to ride in a convertible with the top down
6. Warm drinks (coffee is my choice)
7. Cozy, soft blankets
8. Christmas Movies
9. My children playing nicely together
10. Hearing my favorite songs
11. Working out – getting my sweat on
12. Traveling
13. Hot Tubs / Hot Baths
14. Candles
15. Real wood burning fireplaces
16. Camping
17. Sitting by a campfire – looking at the stars
18. Hiking in the woods, with no one around – no crowds – to really be exploring
19. Hugs from my littles
20. Snuggles with my littles
21. Being told I am loved by my littles
22. Comforting my littles
23. Being free
24. Getting the text or call from someone that makes your heart skip a beat
25. Enjoying some amazing foods and drinks with friends
26. Making plans for special people in my life – surprising them with their favorite things

What brings you joy?

When you find it, do what you can to keep it, relish in the moments, and don’t let that moment pass by without putting a smile on your face. It will warm your heart and soul.

I plan on really emphasizing these things to my kids, so that when they are older, or maybe they can do these things now.. I just want them to know what brings them joy, to find their interests and excel in them, but most of all, be happy with who they are.

Sometimes I really struggle with the reactions to the daily stresses. I have high expectations, which is always a main cause for my stress. I do it to myself.

But, when the kids all act up at one time, feeding off of each other, I really get upset, super quick. I fly off the handle, instantly.

Well, this is transferring to the kids, and they respond in the same manner with each other, and others.

I am really taking a hard look at myself, and trying to be better, breathe more, before I just initially jump in with a reaction in the moment.

I get so angry, so worked up, and really, is it that big of a deal, to be that dramatic?

I hate that about myself.

So, I’m a work in progress, but I consider it a “win” if I can make it through a day without using a single curse word, or raising my voice. seriously..

I also note that the kids are taking in EVERY single thing I say and do. If I say something, and don’t follow through with it, they make sure to point that out also. Consistency is a big issue with me. They know this. They take advantage of me forgetting, or letting one thing slide one time. So.. this has got to change within me also, starting today.

I had to ground Adam this morning, because I found his chromebook next to him, when I went to wake him for school. He was super tired yesterday, and today, it’s probably not going to be any better.

Austin is actually working really hard on keeping up with his reading, and I’m pretty proud of that! He’s been struggling, so this is a huge milestone for him. He’s enjoying non-fiction books, and love to learn about how things work. Reading will feed this desire for such knowledge.

Autumn recently selected a 365 day devotional book for herself to read at bedtime, when we went to Barnes & Noble the other night. She chose this all on her own, so that’s really great she has a desire to study God’s word. I have not pushed this on the kids at all.

Allie is just doing her thing, and I don’t have any issues with her, except April told me that she was poking fun at Austin for some books he was choosing to read. Peppa Pig books.. she was teasing him so much in fact, that April had to get onto her for it. She should know better than this. I still have to address this with her specifically, but I did have a general talk with everyone, stating that we should build each other up, and encourage reading, no matter what the book might be. It’s not nice to tease people, as it hurts feelings, and can cause someone to quit reading all together.

I really do feel good about where we are in life, and our obstacles seem to be getting smaller, and less intense. I hope it can really be that way, and I’m not just having a rosy colored glasses moment. ha

Here’s a break down of our school morning routine, mainly for myself to reference years down the road, when I can fully reflect, and wonder, how did I do that? ha

I have to get up at 5:10, to get myself ready for the day, before the chaos starts. It takes me about 30 minutes to do what I need to do, then I go to the kitchen, and if I have extra time, I might make the kids oatmeal, because they all LOVE it so much. If I don’t have extra time, then I go downstairs, attempting to wake them one by one, starting with the girls.

Allie is pretty good about only mentioning one time that it is morning, and time to rise and shine.

The other 3, not so much..

I talk to Autumn, and say, hey hey hey, it’s morning time, time to rise and shine. She typically rolls over, moans, and pulls the covers over her head, to block me out. I have had an easier time with her this week, because she likes to have the extra time to play on her computer, while everyone else is still getting ready for the day.

Then, I go into the boys room, and start with Austin, since he’s on the bottom bunk. He’s pretty good about waking up right away, but sometimes, he too, will pull the covers over his head and roll over. But, still, easier to wake than Autumn had been.

Next, I climb into Adam’s bed on the top bunk, gently talk to him, patting him gently, telling him it’s time to rise and shine too. And, let’s go get some breakfast, to see if that motivates. 🙂 I pull his special little blanket off of him, put it to the side, and he is by far, the most difficult one to wake up. I have to try and come back after 5 minutes, and then be a little more “in his face” with the talking.. lol I even give him kisses and finally THAT gets him up. He does NOT like my kisses first thing in the morning.

We all make our way upstairs, and start the breakfast process.

Most of them want cereal, some want the frozen waffles, some want yogurt.. it all just depends on their moods. I’m willing to make them whatever, within reason. I’m always aware of the time and how much it will take to do the requested things, which determines if they will have their requested items or not.

After they finish their breakfast, it’s a challenge to get Austin out from under his blanket he wrapped himself in, to go downstairs and brush his teeth, put on his socks and shoes, etc. Autumn is on her computer, so she claims she’s ready, and then Allie & Adam are very independent and do what they need to do without me asking.

We finish up our little things to get ready for the day, and head out all together to seize the day.

Now.. sometimes, ahem. I mean most times, there is so much drama in between all of these things, that it’s ridiculous.

Austin will scream or whine about someone looking at him, Autumn will complain b/c Austin chews with his mouth open, Adam will whine and say people are talking to him, and Allie just does her thing. But, we all end up making it on time, so that’s a win, right?

Today, Austin had to go to “morning reading” in the school library. His teacher requested that I walk him in. So, we parked, I walked him in, and he walked into the library, then right back out, and hid in the boys bathroom. When he came out, both Ms. Thompson & Ms. Tubbs were standing in the hallway, waiting on him. I finally had to pick him up and physically carry him into the library, where he FINALLY read a book and tested on it. He’s got to be very uncomfortable in there or something, because he was adamant about NOT going in there. I will do this same routine tomorrow, and hopefully that will make him realize it’s not so bad.

Also, his teacher mentioned that she’s been seeing great improvement with his communication, behavior and participation since we altered his behavior plan, and I removed video games from his life temporarily. 🙂 YES!

Just keep on swimming.. right?

I feel so grateful, as I am surrounded with an amazing village of people, to help ME survive and who help the children be guided and nurtured in ways that they need.

It truly does take a village, but having 4 amazingly different personalities, character traits, and behaviors, one cannot manage this task alone.

I recently had to have my mom and step-dad come out to the house, to spend the afternoon with the kids, while I took care of my fitness certification maintenance for a few hours.

Austin was telling my mom that he LOVES the German Bread, Stollen. It’s available at Aldi only during the holidays. He just told her that I bought this particular loaf just for him. My mom told him that she loves it too, and that we have German in us, as my grandmother is German, and we also have Italian & Swedish on my dad’s side. She told him that she wasn’t sure what his dad’s side of the family had in them, and Austin quickly replied “video games!” with this huge smile on his face. lol PRICELESS!

Adam told me recently that he couldn’t hear what his sister was saying because he was “death” rather than “Deaf.” hahaha

Autumn found her glasses over the weekend, and she’s really happy to have them now because she can see the clock in class. However, one of her “friends” told her she doesn’t like her anymore, since she looks funny in glasses.. how rude is that!? I told her that’s not a true friend, and she just has to ignore those types of comments. It’s not nice at all. It’s hurtful. So, she has also mentioned that this same friend hangs out with VSCO girls, and I had to google what that meant, and now I know.. I’ve been educated. it’s girls who take selfies and wear certain clothes, and usually carry a certain type of water bottle.. So many things I did not know.. lol

Allie has a major interest in plays, so we have a date in a couple of weeks to see “The Play That Went Wrong” at the WAC in Fay. She also wants to go to The Buttered Biscuit for brunch, so we will do that too.

As for other fun activities, we will be going to Crystal Bridges on Friday night to see the “Forest in Lights” with Papa & have a nice dinner before that. I might take the kids to Waffle House. 🙂 They have been wanting to go there, since it opened in Rogers several months ago.

School is going ok this week so far. Last week, I had to go to the school to get Austin to go to the office. He was refusing to do his schoolwork, and just sat there. Even the school counselor couldn’t get him to go to the office. That’s when I get the call. ugh! He did catch up on his work, but it’s exhausting that we are going through this struggle in school. I hope he will realize that we are in charge, and not him. A new behavior plan has been established at school, so hoping that it resolves the problems. We meet again on the 19th of this month to review. In the meantime, they are not going to their dad’s, I have taken away device privileges, and trying to monitor Austin’s every move, rather than just letting him play in the house, unsupervised. He is sneaky, and will do things that he knows he shouldn’t, and he’s FAST. So.. this has been fun. He likes to mess with electronics, and move cable cords around, mess with the ROKU, DVD Player, the Nintendo Wii, the stereo, you name it.. I’ve GOT to find an awesome electronic set that he can build and work on amazing things for him for Christmas…

I know that November is the month when many express their thankfulness for things, people, experiences, life, etc.

I just want to make sure those that are in my circle, know that I appreciate them on a daily basis, for without them, who knows where my head would be.. somewhere going crazy.. and I’m already crazy. haha

I have to wonder to myself, are these days that I’m in right this very minute, the easiest days of my life with the kids? Is it just going to be more challenging as they become teenagers? I’m getting a little nervous about this, because I see posts that my friends with teenagers put out there about their experiences, and it’s frightening.

I do know that we live in a technology filled world now, and kids are just becoming so addicted to them. My kids are no exception to this.

I have one kid in particular, who lives and breathes video games, and talks about them non-stop, if you let him.

I am at a point in my life where I know change is a MUST. There have been several weekends, where I let the kids just play on their devices for a few hours, and then we go do something else, but they come back and go right back to them. I really try to make them go and do things on weekends, but sometimes, laziness takes over with me too. I want to stay all day in my pj’s and watch Hallmark movies 🙂

If I have to go to the store, or recycling, teach at the gym, or whatever, I have let the kids stay home, and what do you think they are doing? Playing on games.. they are entertained, having fun playing together, but here is where we are now….

I have one kid who is in major struggle mode in school. I have one who just withdrawals from everyone, and finds no joy in doing anything “real.” I have one who just whines and cries if I take the device time away. I have one that just doesn’t really care either way.. she can find something alternative to do to occupy her time.

The dilemma is now what to do as a family, that everyone will mostly enjoy doing together????????????????

My 8 year old (Austin), is just the main focus right now. He has struggles in school, and we just had a meeting with the principal, vice principal, school counselor, the teacher, and their regular counselor, to discuss a revised behavior plan for him. Giving it 2 weeks, and will meet again to see how things improve. Oh, how I hope things get better. He’s in the office almost daily. He’s refusing to do most of the in-class work, and he’s smart. He knows how to do these things. He’s had some other issues lately too, but I am taking away his device privileges for 2 weeks, until we have our follow up meeting with the school. I really hope this makes a difference.. in a good way.

Everyone is supporting him, and wants to see him succeed. He’s a very good negotiator, so we had to adjust the original behavior plan, as he was manipulating it, and the teacher. (funny, but not). He’s so clever, but we have to be MORE clever.. ha

Anyway, there has been so much going on, I just haven’t had the energy to write about it lately.

I’m just going to breathe, and hope for the best on this.. Austin has got to step up and really focus.

We just had a lovely little fall break, and the kids went to visit their dad for the 3 day weekend.

Austin came back with red scratchy bumps from head to toe. I immediately took him to the doctor that evening. It turns out, these are either flea bites or bed bugs. The doctor said it’s impossible to tell the difference, so I am really hoping they are just flea bites. The strange thing is, that both boys shared a bed at their dad’s, and only Austin has the bites. Their dad has a dog, which had been recently treated for fleas too. Mystery… Austin still struggles on a daily basis with school work.. doing it in class is just so challenging for him. I don’t get it. We are working through this with his teacher daily. Thank goodness for April. she’s a Godsend in our lives.

Autumn had shots on Monday, and she’s now having an allergic reaction to the shot in her right arm. According to the nurse, it’s the Meningitis shot that is giving her this reaction, which is not typical. It’s normally the Tdap shot that causes redness and swelling. We are keeping a close eye on it, and will be consulting the doctor again, if it persists.. sigh..

Allie tested high for depression at her doctor visit on Monday. There is a 3 year wait list to see a psychiatrist in NWA. Unbelievable! Her doctor is recommending one in Fayetteville, which is about 30 minutes from where we live. nice… we will see how quickly we can get in there, and work out a schedule after school… yeah..

Adam seems to be the only one doing ok.. nothing reportable on him. He’s still struggling with some emotional breakdowns, but overall, pretty good.

I am hanging on by a thread most days. I don’t even know why. Things are going ok.

Busy week in our house.. no power, but we have a generator, doctor appointments, meetings for ONSC for Autumn, and then Allie parent teacher conferences. no karate this week..

back to normal, hopefully next week??

ha

Always trying to focus on everything at once is never a productive way to look at things.

I tend to do this though, without even thinking about it.

I have so many things going on in my mind, and a schedule to keep, that I get stressed almost immediately when we start our evening “agenda” after school / work.

I need to be focusing on one task at a time.

The kids are definitely a load to manage, and keep in line.

I have a full plate, this I know.

It’s all in how you look at it, right?

Gotta change my focus and face one item at a time. This is my little pep talk to myself, because, it’s hard to change a habit. It takes a conscious effort to make a change, big or small.

Example:

Austin comes in from school last night, and had forgotten to take his binder and homework from the previous day to school. He has additional homework on one of the sheets to complete, and an email from his teacher with a few pages to read and answer questions on for Literacy. He was only focused on “when can I play my computer game?” I had to explain (calmly) that he wasn’t going to have any device time because he had “forgotten” to take his important papers to school. He quickly threw the blame on me. I had to again, “calmly” explain that it is not my responsibility to make sure that he has everything for his day. I did mention that I DID tell him once or twice to make sure his binder and papers were in there though. (selective listening??) ha He shut down though, when I told him no device time. Thankfully, I had my step-sister, who is so amazing with him, right there, so she effortlessly managed to get him to complete his assignment correctly, and everything was smooth sailing for her. I had a babysitter coming, so I had to rush out of the house, and she was so willing to stay until she got there to watch the kids. I was stressed prior to leaving though, because I didn’t want Austin struggling with that and then I am just bouncing. It was not expected for this homework assignment to be such a drawn out, dramatic issue. But, with Austin, it seems like everything is that way. I know he is a very smart, gifted young man, but he needs to apply himself in the classrooom. He really struggles with in class group discussions.

Adam and Autumn had completed their work, so they got privilege time on their devices. Austin wasn’t thinking that was fair at all… fun times here.

Allie is amazing! She scored 1 point under perfect score for her first AP Human Geography course yesterday! Learning comes easy for this girl. I’m super impressed with her. I don’t have to get on to her for much. I do have to ask if she has any homework though, because sometimes, she forgets that she does… probably because she was so used to not having any in middle school..

Autumn has actually become less mouthy with me lately. I hope this trend continues, because it’s been nice and peaceful in that regard. She has a lot going on inside her heart emotionally, and I don’t exactly know how to get to her and make her feel better. I need to make sure I pay attention to her love needs. She is very passionate about things, and has no problem expressing her feelings. It’s just I need to her to soften her heart to me. I think I need to soften my heart toward her though as well. So.. note to self on that.

Adam has been having really good days at school, so there is nothing to address with him, other than some whining about little things. He will cry or whine about the silliest things sometimes. We have to remind him to use his words…

Hoping for a great weekend full of activities.

IHOP tonight for dinner, Halloween costume shopping after that, maybe a movie at home, then Silver Dollar City tomorrow and Hillberry Festival on Sunday, to attend my brother’s music festival and let the kids participate in some the kids activities. Papa plans on us taking the limo for fun.

Hoping all goes well.. 🙂

Sometimes, I absolutely feel like that little engine that could in the famous storybook. I just have to keep telling myself “I think I can.. I think I can.. I think I can..”

There are “seasons” of parenting these lovely little ones. I’m going through a season of a change right now.

I’m discovering that, at one time, it was so easy taking the kids here or there, and they all had a good time, once they got there. I always liked taking them places, getting them exposed to fun, making memories, and create traditions for our family.

Now, it’s not so easy peasy. I have 1 kid that says “YES”, 2 kids that say “absolutely not”, and 1 that says “meh.” ugh.. I get so tired of trying to please everyone, when I am the one who really wants to go to the things. I just need to sit back, evaluate the needs of my kids, try to make life as fun as I can, but it might just mean doing less of the things.. If the kids are content just being home, playing, watching a movie, playing some video games together, not isolated and alone, but actually playing with each other, then I suppose I should support that right?

I have a very difficult time sitting around, being idle at home. But, I am going to start making the most of that time, IN THE KITCHEN.

I love experimenting with new recipes, so I will try to get back into the baking / cooking again.

Down time doesn’t mean it’s a boring time. I need to realize that..